I wait for magic...

I wake... a scream on my lips which echoes around the small one-room apartment, my lungs empty as my throat tightens. I wake... Blood taints my vision, the room surrounds me, engulfs me into its red abyss. I wake... Fear claws at me from within, tormented by my own memories as I clutch at my aching chest and shake, waiting for this moment to end. I wake... in hopes of something better, in hopes that this nightmare will end as I force myself through another dark day of despair. I sleep, with the hopes that I do not wake.​

Every day, the same dark, dull demise.

Colour, lost from my world as every sight has become black and white. Surrounded by faces upon the street that I cannot see, I cannot remove the blur that surrounds the features of even those I call family, too afraid of seeing the true hatred that lies dormant in their eyes.

A hatred that will once again be aimed in my direction.

Food, no longer a joyous adventure but simply there for survival as it swirls around like a tasteless paste upon my tongue.

Music becomes but a rhythmic thud upon my dead ears.

The soft breeze of the wind. now a cold knife on my unworthy skin as it passes and even the sun's heat felt distant, cruel.

Passing strangers as I travel the same distant path, slight knocks reminding me of the sensation I long for in another's touch but know, it would be nothing if not false, a lie to trick me.

I wait for this torment to finish, for this world to cease existing or perhaps, I find myself waiting for one final breath to escape my dry, cracked lips.

Today, like all days, I sit upon a bus, feeling my almost lifeless body rock gently back and forth as the bus ventures down the same dull route.

Silently, I clutch onto the metal bars as my journey comes to a slow and shaking stop, allowing my escape from the overwhelming confinement.

Unwavering to the large heavy beads of water dropping from above, my eyes on the ground, casting out the faces of those surrounding me.

My feet move with familiarity to the path I take, hands pushed deep into my pockets as a light shiver teases my spine. Exhaling a sigh, it takes the form of a white and wispy cloud escaping me.

"Morning", others would chime as I push through the large heavy doors, a fake smile brief upon my lips as I feed their curious eyes.

The forced nod of my head in their directions as I push through the enclosing halls, entering my own personal sanctuary, my office at the end of the path.

The heavy wet coat placed onto the door's hook, my hat over the handle, letting the rain drip down to the floor below as I fall ungracefully into the usual, worn out seat, tired arms hang on either side in a lifeless manner.

That lingering false smile, trying to find a reason to feel real, fighting my lips before giving up, collapsing, much like my hopes and dreams once had.

The many days, wishing for a spell, a potion to remove this darkness, seeking out impossible magic in this cruel world.

My door opens and I turn in the seat, hiding in my computer screen as somebody places a hot mug of coffee to my desk.

"Thank you", I offer in a meek voice, the same fake smile once again forcing its way across my face. Much like every morning, expecting that they leave without a word as they always did, not even a glance back at the sad pathetic excuse for a man left in his pit of self-loathing.

However, something feels different this time, the person was lingering, their presence taking to the dust-covered chair on the opposing side of my desk.

A stolen glance, confusion in my shallow orbs as I try to look to this person in the corner of my sight, this stranger who I thought was the usual suspect to have had been working here for many a year now had a face I did not know, new to the company perhaps?

A soft sigh escapes me as I turn in my seat and look down to the coffee.

"Is something, wrong?" I ask, expecting the worst.

"No, nothing. Just sitting here"

She chimed the words in such a sweet tone, her voice was distant, unknown to me and yet it pushed through the dull barrier that I had surrounded myself in.

My eyes flit to her face, the blurry distortion was again, all I could see but this time, a soft red line clearly embedded upon it. A smile? So calm and gentle and for the first time in a long time. It was visible within the blur.

"Is there something I can do for you?" I ask, my curiosity peaked now as I return all attention back to the coffee. Lifting it with a cautious touch, I felt the warmth of the cup in my palms, my fingers wrapping around the mug as though it held a fire I had long forgotten.

The strength surprised me, usually so dull, so bland and tasteless, this was like the coffee had been brewed in the finest of ways, beans sourced from heaven's own garden... Why did the cheap store brought slur taste so good so suddenly?

"Maybe... That depends what you're offering?"

Her voice was playful and airy as a sweet chuckle escaped her lips, my reaction no doubt an unusual scene as I felt my cheeks flush, my tongue traced the coffee from my lower lip before I bit down and cleared my throat to suppress a slight shock to her words.

"I have nothing to offer" I press the words through gritted teeth, putting the mug down once more as my eyes find those soft lips again, the smile spread along her features had carved deeper, the distortion fading further, her rosy cheeks come into view now.

"Oh, I don't believe that for a second!" The mystery woman declared, her hand tender as it reached forth, her fingers resting on my wrist momentarily but the burn of her touch would be felt for a lifetime now.

I couldn't help but smile, an actual smile for the first time in forever.

"Finally," She said as though she had just found a winning lottery ticket. Finally?

My eyes take in the image before me at long last, I see this woman for the first time, actually taking the risk to look at her now as I divert my smile down.

She was beautiful, beautiful in ways my words alone could never describe.

This... this couldn't be real.

"Finally?" I asked, biting my lip once again as the cruelty of my brain forces a vile taste along my tongue, this wasn't real, she was here to hurt me.

"Look... I have work to do" I tried to lie, who was I kidding? It had been weeks and months now since any real work had been accomplished here.

"Shame, I finally got a real smile too" She teased as she went to stand, before I could even react though, the woman leaned across my desk, placing a tender kiss to my roughly shaven cheek. "I'll have to try again later" she whispered before turning from my office, leaving me in a frozen state as my heart pounded violently inside of my chest.

I wait... I wait for her return, my fingers are numb as they trail the keyboard, my legs froze as I could not stand even after this moment of encounter. I wait, I wait and wait and wait until finally, I hear to my side, the door opening once again.

For days now, her return was always welcome, her smile clear and bright and bringing with it my own. It took me a few meets to begin trusting the mystery lady but with every interaction, every chuckle, and greet, she tore through my defences like paper, stole my worries alongside my heart.

She gave me a reason, hope, and happiness that I had not felt for a long time.

I wake, with a smile from ear to ear. I wake, a light heart secured in my chest, a burst of laughter escaping my lips. I wake, happy and excited for the day as I think of her kindness, her smile and those eyes that captivate me so easily. I wake, understanding that magic is not always a potion or spell, does not need a reason to exist except to simply be. The magic I found, was the kindness of another in a dark and desperate time. I sleep, with thoughts and dreams of the future, of spreading this magic to others in need.