Reaching for a goal

In a world of darkness and pain, of fear and distrust. It is easy to be swallowed into despair, lost in your own mind as it becomes a prison.

What isn't easy, is accepting when something good happens, those rare events, whether it last for a second or a whole day.

I struggle to acknowledge the good for what it is. Always looking for the hidden agenda, the lie or joke about to be revealed to take the joy away.

Living in fear of the happy sensation and how addictive it could become to one like me, the false hope it might bring into my empty heart, the pain that comes with the deceitful spark of light.

So, for someone who lives in fear, survives in despair and hides from the good moments, why does this one feel so different?

Your kindness, the support and acceptance you have shown me, it fills me suddenly with a warmth willing to fight a course through my soul.

You spoke four little words that had such an impact on me, on my mind.

"I believe in you."

This small sentence was more than enough to fill my heart, to begin patching together a soul I had felt tear apart so many times.

I have longed to hear those words without even realising it.

There's a strange feeling in my chest, the heavy burden upon my heart has eased, grown lighter and the doubt i place onto myself is pulling back slowly, i can breath without the bitter taste of defeat that I forced upon myself.

I forgot how believing in myself could feel and you gave me that gift.

The darkness may not have vanished, it still rages on inside. I can feel it, burning in anticipation to take over again, struggling with the constraints your words provided.

I know I will succumb to the darkness again, but I am no longer helpless.

Your friendship and support, it provided me a weapon, a tool I had only dreamt about. You gave me a hope I had feared and yet, as it's seed has been planted, I wish to nurture that Hope and allow it to grow.

True happiness, complete bliss and joy, it made be foreign to me, a distant memory that I gave up on once, but I won't give up again. I will push for that sensation and fight to feel myself smile.

Thank you, thank you for this strength to find happiness once again.